Where’s the reset button??

Courting a friend has always been a taboo that I have always made sure to never break. Courting a friend within a group of friends is an even bigger no-no.

I’ve seen first hand how having feelings for a friend can disrupt a group. In college, 3 friends went for this girl at the same time, which resulted in breaking the gang into 3 different factions. Gone became the times where we could go to Damai in 5 cars filled with giggling youths anticipating the fun to be had together. 5 years later and still the grudge remains. It’s like how radiation just pollutes the land for generations to come.

So, I’ve always maintained the standard that I would never develop a romantic interest with girls I consider friends. It makes life less complicated and less messy. And I can stand to be tested because all my past relationships were girls from outside my circles and never did I attempt to bring them into my circle completely simply because then I would still have a refuge to run to and call my own when things (eventually) get sour.

Even failed courtships followed this rule of thumb.

But for some reason, I recently decided to break this golden rule that has stood since the first days of discovering the beauty of girls. And I’m slowly starting to rue this decision because not only have I noticed the possibility of losing any chance I might have had, I also realize the chances of losing a few friends as well.

Courting a total stranger is easy. A bit of this and a bit of that. It’s the protracted courting that I find have been my weakness. If the courtship were a sprint, I’d be a winner anytime, any day. If it becomes a marathon, I’m a goner. Why? Because I have no idea how these things go. And as my enthusiasm to start something with this person gets the better of me, I see her slipping away from me.

It’s like watching a boat slowly drift from port and even with a ticket in hand, it makes no difference because you’ve already missed that one ride that you’ve been looking forward to take and knowing that at the end of that boat ride promises all the happiness and joy that every single person is entitled to in this lifetime.

If I could, I’d tell her that I’d rather give up (for now) than lose her friendship. Because as corny as it sounds, I see something to build for the future and giving up the present is a small price to pay. I am guilty of youthful exuberance and realizing it now seems a bit too late.

The best option I see now is to pick up the broken pieces and hope for the chance to start all over again. If life had a reset button where each person is given one chance to push and choose a point in life to return to and start from, I’d be pushing it now.