Eternally Cursed

Things just don’t go my way anymore.

I used to feel like the luckiest guy on Earth when I was younger but as I get older it seems that whatever lucky charm I had isn’t working anymore. So I decided to think this thoroughly and I think I’ve found my answer.

I have 3 e-mail accounts, a friendster account and a multiply account. Why is this my answer? Take these accounts (5) and times it with an average of 5 years which brings a count of 25. Where am I going with this? Well, if I were to roughly calculate, I think I get 15 chain mails or messages a month so we times it by 12 months and we arrive at 180 hideous things my ‘friends’ send me a year. I’ll get back to the reason I say ‘friends’ later.

Multiplying 180 messages by the number of (accounts x years);

        we arrive with 180 x 25 = 4500 chain mails or messages that I have broken.

But I’m not done yet. Every chain mail has a different effect and effect length. Some claim I’ll never touch a girl again, some say I’ll probably die before I’m 30 and there was this one that actually wrote being abducted by *Aliens as a threat of breaking the chain but it generally wishes for bad luck for a certain duration of time. For simplicity sake, I’ll just set each mail to 6 months and to consider the overlapping terms of effect, I divide the chain mails by the product of 5 years x 2.

And I get;

        4500/10 = 450 chain mails every 6 months.

So according to the math, I have;

        450 mails x 6 months = 2700 months or 225 years.

And that’s my answer; I am cursed with 225 years of bad luck by ‘friends’ who have set it upon themselves to hex me for some reason. So why blame God when the answer to my misfortune is in turn caused by mere humans?

There was this once when I was a kid, I actually received an actual chain mail as in those in an envelope and paper. Who did it? My schoolmate’s mom stuffed it into my bag. Bitch! And I was only in primary school.

*A little about the Alien abduction thing; people believe it when it’s written in a chain mail but never when it’s on my excuse note for being absent. What’s up with that?