How Do They Do That?

So I was up late last night watching a Major League Baseball game between the New York Yankees and the Toronto Blue Jays.

I’ve always been fascinated by baseball and I am actually a Mets fan but since the Yankees have explicitly brought on board ESPN with their plan to brainwash Asians to suddenly fall in love with the NY Yankees, (which explains why you will always get a Yankees game when you get the sudden urge to watch baseball on Astro) I find myself rooting for the Yankees. It’s either this conspiracy theory or I’m not as manly as I think and I’m really just infatuated by Derek Jeter. Let’s hope for family continuity sake, it’s not the latter.

So, I was watching the game and it was a cracker. Yankees were up by 1 then found themselves down and at one point were up 6-3 then were down again 6-8. Went all the way to extra innings and they won 12-11. A really good game.

Baseball is in fact the most statistically driven sport. This was said by Professor Charlie Epps who is a professor of mathematics at CalSci. For those of you who have no idea whom I’m referring to, Professor Epps consults for the FBI and NSA. He also has an older brother, Don Epps who is a lead FBI agent. Not ringing any bells? Their father was a former LA City planner? Last one, Professor Epps always says that “we all use math every day; to predict weather, to tell time, to handle money. Math is more than formulas or equations; it’s logic, it’s rationality, it’s using your mind to solve the biggest mysteries we know.”

No? Watch more TV dammit!

So I’m sitting down and I’m watching these really huge dudes swing their bats at a ball the size of an NFL player’s brain and I’m simply amaze. It’s not because of the intensity or the athleticism required.

I look at their pants and I’m thinking gee, that is so uncomfortable. Seriously, who do they get into those pants day in and day out. This guy was at first base and all he could do was adjust his crotch. And kids go to these games? Perfect role model; A man who touches himself in public. Set him right next to a gymnast. Two types of people I wouldn’t want my son to mimic. Whaaaaat? We all know what gymnasts do when their alone and lonely!

You’d think by now after decades of playing the game, the Americans would wise up and say hey, we don’t need stretchy pants no more. We want freedom. Free willy! He has a right to breathe. Maybe that’s why there aren’t that many black guys playing baseball. They probably couldn’t get the pants pass the crotch area. Hey, I’m not saying that the ones that do aren’t that well hung. I don’t think most professional sportsman are. Can you imagine if they were? Forget about being hung, it’d be fling and flung, literally folded & hung. Plus, them crown jewels aren’t exactly the type you can take off and put in your locker.

So, yeah! Baseball. Interesting sport.