10. You find things better with the lights off

9. Crime scene investigators are all gorgeous

8. Police detectives really don’t know how to solve crime

7. US tax-payers don’t mind paying for government-issued hummers

6. Las Vegas, New York and Miami have creative criminals

5. Eye-witnesses are normally the perpetrators

4. Miami has a permanent orange scenery

3. In Las Vegas, nothing ever happens during the daytime

2. The bad guys also know if there’s going to be a gun fight

1. For added effect, put on your sun-glasses just as you are about to say something and then walk away

Yeah, yeah. This movie has been out for quite awhile but I still felt like giving my 2 cents on the movie.

I’d like to start out with saying I like Jack Black. I think he has been in some really funny movies and some I don’t mind watching over and over again. Tenacious D was a good no-brainer movie, School of Rock was entertaining and Tropic Thunder was hilarious even if it was because Robert Downing Jr was magnificent. Nacho Libre was super funny and even The Holiday that had himself, Jude Law, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was heartwarming at best. But then there are some movies I thought are shit like Shallow Hal but that wasn’t his fault. It was a stupid idea for a movie to begin with. Kung Fu Panda doesn’t count. My reasoning is that credit for animated movies should always go to the animators and not those ‘lending’ their voices. I do not associate Ray Romano to Ice Age for this reason.

So how did I find Year One?

In a few words, I’d say Year One was an idea that could but didn’t. There are some funny bits and I thought the hitting-a-woman-on-the-head-with-a-stick was classic. It wasn’t a waste of time but as I write this, I can’t remember how the movie started, climaxed or even finished. As Simon Cowell would say, “It wasn’t memorable.” Even the movie description got it wrong. It starts with saying ‘When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers’ which is way off base. They aren’t lazy. Jack’s character is bumbling, accident prone and idiotic (much like any other characters from his comedy genre). Michael’s character is to be his sidekick.

It just seems like during the script-writing, there were so many good ideas with many jokes planned until someone left the best bits at home during filming. There are no spoilers here because the movie is quite unimaginative and anyone could guess how it ends (he becomes the hero and gets the girl) but I guess that’s a general comment for most comedies nowadays.

So, how did I find the movie? It was alright. Could have been better but I find myself saying this a lot.

10. There is no such thing as keeping left if not overtaking

9. Turning signal is only to be used during illegal turns

8. Car horn is used to say hi to a passing friend

7. Traffic lights are ignored after 11pm

6. 35km/h is an acceptable cruising speed

5. It’s fine to speed if you need to rush for a toilet

4. See an ambulance? Drive behind it to get a clear road

3. Stick a horse emblem on the hood and your car suddenly becomes a Ferrari

2. Seat belts are just another excuse to give you a traffic summons

1. Yellow line means free parking spaces for important people like yourself

Men will always be men. This was a statement told to me by my friend. She was defending the actions of married men who fool around at karaoke bars, pubs and clubs. She defended the immoralities of these men who have mistresses or women on the side. She defended while I prosecuted. She shielded these unfaithful bastards while at the same time, making me feel less of a man.

To be honest, a boyfriend cheating on his girlfriend is as bad as it gets but a man cheating on his wife is a one-way ticket to condemnation in hell. I get the impression that men are supposed to be unfaithful and monogamy is an unattainable solace. So what’s the point of marriages or formal ties between two people if it is understood that it will just be broken?

If men are supposed to cheat, I guess I was blessed with a loving father as well as faithful husbands around me. In their defense, she said that if they were to find love outside of their marriage then they should pursue their happiness. I have always thought that lust was a part of love but never is lust equal to love. These men aren’t looking for love; they’re looking for a good time. Case closed. Being unfaithful is being unfaithful.

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.”
- J. R. R. Tolkien\ (1892 – 1973), Letter to Michael Tolkien, March 1941

If men are supposed to cheat, then until I cheat, I’ll never be a man? I would think not. If men were supposed to cheat, then I’d be considered more than a man. But this isn’t about me. It’s about them. Why do men cheat? And why are there sympathetic idiots who stand by their side? But then I wonder, which is worst? A wondering husband or a cheating wife?

[Best of will feature past posts taken from previous blogs. It features every other Tuesday.]

One of the great Malaysian rock classic. Remember, the translation is not meant to be able to sing the song in English. It’s just a translation of the lyrics.

Lyrics

Lama mana lagi (How long more)
Hendak ku turutkan (Must I follow)
Kata telunjuk yang menuding kepalaku (These instructions embedded in my head)
Sabar apa lagi (How much patience)
Hendak ku turutkan (Must I follow)
Hingga aku bernafas bagai dalam lumpur (Until I’m breathing in mud)
Kasihan… (Pity)

Wajah kita sama (Our faces are the same)
Beza pada gaya (The difference is in style)
Itu pilihan masing-masing yang empunya (It’s a personal choice we choose)
Mungkin pada usia (Maybe at age)
Rasa yang berbeza (Feelings become different)
Yang penting kita saling hormat menghormati (The importance is in mutual respect)
Panduan… (A guide)

*
Kita tak dapat bersama (We can’t be together)
Namun kita juga manusia (But we’re still human)
Kita punya rasa cinta (We have love)
Masing-masing punya harga…oh..oh… (Each being priceless)

Mahu apa lagi (What more is wanted)
Akan aku korbankan (That I will sacrifice)
Selagi ada hayatku di kandung badan (As long as I have life in my body)
Oh terima kasih (Thank you)
Kerana balasan (For the response)
Semoga sejahteralah hidup semua (Hope everyone has a fruitful life)
Oh kawan (Oh, my friends)

(Back to * until the end of the song)

I’ve always dreamed big. No dream was ever too audacious enough for me. I know exactly what I’d do with $10,000,000. I know exactly how I’d govern the whole world. I have plans on combating global poverty and malnourishment. Climate change is any easy enough topic for me combat. But those dreams and plans will always remain a fantasy I play in my head when I’ve got nothing to do.

In the past few weeks, I’ve managed to turn the odds on some things in my life and made them reality. A courtship that I never thought could have materialized turned into a daring adventure and show of tremendous resolve both on my part and hers and is now a cherished reality I’m living out. My soured relationship with my previous organization is now a thing of the past and I’ve moved on and have opened avenues to future collaboration with them. I’ve reinvigorated my passion with human rights issues. And these things have started me to think about the things I want to achieve in my life.

I’ve talked about being in politics before but in my heart, I’ve always known that any involvement in politics in Sarawak means to sacrifice whatever you cherish the most. Successful politicians have to throw away their self-dignity and play kiss ass to the ones in real power. Struggling politicians have to bear their name being dragged through the mud without any remorse by the successful ones. All politicians will have to endure being followed by people only seeking immediate benefits for their loyalty. All elected representatives have to live the next 5 years of their terms knowing that whatever issues they promised to highlight during their election campaign will never be heard in the state assembly, let alone be resolved.

I’ve seen firsthand how Sarawak politics can make or break a person. My dad has been involved in it since I was born. It brought him great power and respect but it brought him down faster and lower than he has ever been. If I go down this road, I don’t have to look far for the possible consequences in store for me.

I want to do this. I want to run. It doesn’t matter if I fail and lose my deposit. I want to run as an independent candidate. I plan to run in either Batu Kawa or Kota Sentosa. It has always been a normal practice for a Chinese to run in these 2 seats but I want to show the state and country that we are ready to break the norm of majority race candidates. If we are going to continue claiming we are racially harmonious, then let’s show it.

Whether I stand next year really depends if I can garner enough support before registration and also if I’m actually around.

Question is now; will I dare to live the dream when the time comes to put my money where my mouth is?

Emma Bon!!!!

This was supposed to the first post of many adventures I had planned out for lil Emma. She was going to apply for a passport, create a facebook account, combat climate change and other regular activities dogs do from time to time. Sadly, I have to announce that this will be the first and last about Emma.

I came home Sunday morning and I asked my dad where Emma was and he said, “I cremated her.” Few days before I came back, Emma got sick and my parents took her to the vet. She was given medication but died a few days later.

It’s hard to walk around without this carpet rug on the floor. I miss Emma.

1. Time travels on a single plane meaning that changes in the past will directly effect the future
2. Time travels on multi planes meaning that changes in the past will create an alternative future that co-exists in parallel with the existing future.

Have you heard of the ‘grandfather paradox’? It’s one of my favorites. It states that if I were to travel back in time and shoot my grandfather, as soon as the bullet hits him and if he were to die instantly, it would mean that I would have never existed. Therefore it would be impossible that I could have traveled back and shot him in the first place. Thus, the bullet, as soon as it touches him, would have vanished into thin air and the incident would have never taken place. This preserves the single time line theory.

But if there were multiple time lines, how would we know? Imagine for each possible decisions you made, your life is split into different possibilities that coincide with the choices that you make. Would you think that this life that you have chose is the best among all other possible life?

But what are the implications of time traveling with religion? If there is a master plan that God has given but we have the technology to alter the past from the views of mere mortals, what use is a plan? As bloody as the WWs were, they still played a crucial part in human development. Would you rather have a WW then or now where nuclear energy is freely used and developed?

I personally feel I could have done better but that doesn’t prompt me to change my past. There is no need for time travel for it serves no purpose. What is done is done and things happen for a reason. We might never know the reason but we learn and hope to do better in the future.

I think Bill Gates is a time traveler. Either that or an alien.

[Best of will feature past posts taken from previous blogs. It features every other Tuesday.]

10. Spill control is overrated

9. It’s cheaper than paying 9 months of health care and years of baby formula

8. They’re flavoured now

7. It makes you look cool at the checkout counter

6. It makes a wonderful gadget to pick your nose with

5. It’s a great substitute when you’re at a birthday party with no ballons

4. It helps perfect the elephant immitation you’ve always dreamed of

3. You can stuff a condom with tissue to make your bits look bigger

2. Condoms are a great way of leaving behind trace DNA

1. You can get a blue coloured one and pretend you’re Anakin Skywalker

[Top 10 features every other Wednesday]

I kick-off this new thread with a simple introduction with the reason why I decided to write about Kuching and things that will likely be in this new thread.

I believe Kuching is the closest one can get to living in heaven. It’s one of those places on Earth that welcomes everyone and at the same time actually offers a home and not just a place to exist in. I’ve been to a few places in the world; Most parts of Manila, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Singapore, Bandar Sri Begawan, Chiang Mai, Bangkok, Jakarta, Pontianak, Phnom Penn, Kathmandu, New York, Vancouver, LA, Honolulu (just to name a lot) and I still think Kuching is a special place. It’s not just because I’m born here. It’s not just because I’m being biased.

It’s everything about Kuching. It’s people, it’s food, it’s culture and it’s diversity. It’s more than what you see in travel advertistments. There’s more than meets the eye. And for that reason, Reasons Why Kuching will be my personal goal to re-introduce Kuching to the world. It will be my way of repaying Kuching for everything it has given me. My own gift to the local businesses that will prosper from people deciding to give Kuching a go.

The thread will feature its food, its places of interest and its people. It will be original with the twist of my style of writing. I’m hoping to hear from people who decide to come to Kuching on account of what I say.

Just to recap, Reasons Why Kuching will feature every Saturday starting October 3rd 2009.