A trip to the doctor

I’ve been having problems with my right foot for quite awhile now. It swells up from time to time rendering me unable to walk or apply any sort of pressure on it. It swells to at least another shoe size.

It first started back in 2007. I remember it well because I was to fly to Philippines that day and I was absolutely unable to walk properly. It came back last year. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep because of the pain which prompted me to talk pain-killers to get through it. As mysteriously as it comes, it leaves in the same manner it came. Lately, I’ve had the pain 3 times since January and I’ve been popping pain-killers everytime it comes.

I’ve been to a traditional doctor and he told me that I must have stepped on something ‘dirty’ such as those Chinese Hell Notes that they burn during the Chinese Ghost Festival. After massaging and the pain still there, he then concluded that someone must have put a curse on my foot. He added, it was a really strong curse. After applying his ‘anti-curse’ oil, he resumed with a small prayer. He gave me a bottle of magic oil to protect myself from further attacks. I would have smacked him on the head and drive off if he wasn’t my dad’s best friend. Eventually the pain went away.

It came again while I was in Sabah. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep. I hung my foot up, it hurt. I rested it on a pillow, it hurt. I got some respite when I got a bucket of ice, stuck my foot in and I went to sleep. The next day, I went to a massage doctor and he told me that my foot has acid. I believe he was talking about uric acid. He told me to take gout medicine. Annoyed because I don’t believe I have gout, I still took gout medicine and still the pain was there. I was so afraid of the pain that I resorted to taking painkillers. I felt proud to dispel any notion that I may have gout. Again, the pain eventually went away.

It came again last month and this time I went to a Chinese physician. I told him my problem and he deduced that I must have injured my foot thus leaving internal bleeding and the pressure from the bad blood is causing the pain. He stuck 4 needles in my foot. Only 1 resulted in blood gushing out. The other 3, in my honest opinion, were just to check my threshold of pain. It didn’t make me feel any better. It didn’t seem to have any effect. That quack then gave me medicine, which were sugar-coated by the way, but I still stuck to my pain-killers. Eventually, the pain went away.

It came again 2 weeks ago and this time, I was determined to get to the bottom of things. I decided to get an x-ray just to check if anything was wrong with the bone. I came in at 2.45pm and was told the doctor wasn’t around yet. After waiting for 45 minutes, I finally got my turn. I went in for a consultation with Dr.Eric, my father’s friend, and he told me it could be 2 things; gout or chronic ligamentitis. Just to be on the safe side, I still got the x-ray. The technician was being a bitch. He kept going on and on about how big my foot is and kept saying how it’s impossible to get my foot to fit onto the x-ray thingy. “You must need to get imported shoes”, he said. What a dumb ass. I’m ONLY size 11 US. Idiot. But after getting my foot photocopied, it confirmed that the bone is fine. Once again, he reaffirmed that it must be gout. I refuse to believe that I have gout. He still charged me RM50 for the x-ray. So much for being a friend of my father. But then again, RM50 isn’t that bad. Another friend of my dad, Dr.Ritom, charged me RM100++ for medicine and a minor surgery. No, it wasn’t circumcision. It was for an abnormal growth on my hand.

Why am I so against being diagnosed with gout? Because it would imply I’d have to start watching what I eat. A restrain that I can live without. I love eating the insides of an animal. I love beer. I don’t really like abalone and mushrooms but I’d still like to know I can eat them without any repercussions. Gout can also be caused by obesity and uric acid levels. To say I have gout, would have to knowingly admit that I have a weight problem. I do. But I don’t need a medical confirmation.

I asked the doctor what would be the next step if it was chronic ligamentitis and he gave me an answer that makes me want to believe it’s gout. He said, “Avoid sports like football.” I’d rather give up mushrooms than football.